Does this mean anything to you?

I think about this scripture and its scary. Because:

"What choice do I have, but to live in the fullness of what I believe." -ME

So I was thinking about the part in the book of Acts where Ananias and Sapphira sold their house and lied about it and only gave half to the Church.  I think people have been overlooking a more important message.  Actually I don't think they've overlooked it I think they didn't wanted to preach it.  Because to preach means we need to live it, and that's scary.

Acts 4:32-37

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.

The book of acts is all about the spreading of the Church.  and it seems that it shows rather clearly here how the church is supposed to be and the relationship of those within the Church.  To me that makes me think about the monastaries the Catholics setup, it seems they perhaps had some truth in what they did. 

 Is there going to be an era of Protestant Monastaries?  Or do we call those "cults?" Do we call them crazy and "out-of-line" because its easier, than living with the conviction that Christ calls us to such radical commitments to His body? I mean Christ said those who do my will are my brothers and sisters!  Our church are to be truly closer than blood.  IT's not pretty poetry its truth... so now what?

A prophetic message?

So I went on a fast and got infuriated with God because he didn't give me any answers.  He didn't help me, he gave me insight for others.  But I wanted His personal attention and Him and He failed me, and I continued dying.  Driven to the place of nothing left.  I was called Forsaken, or Desolate.  So I gave up the fast.

Then the monday night alone.  I was given hope.  I was given the insight why I these trials are happening.  I was revealed where my character was being worked on and why (Rom3-4 Not only so, but we^[a] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope.)

Then later I recieved a letter from God, through a friend at 11:30 that night.  My life may never be the same.  What did it say...well only that friend and I will know.  But it hit at the very core of my being.  My life is dictated by fear, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of fraud, fear of GOD.  That's right fear of God, and that is actually the problem.  While I have learnt to revere Him, I've forgotten to love Him.

So I sat down and talked to God about this and I asked, "God how do I love you?  How can I love you?  How do I love you more?" 

Every christian knows the answer "get to know me."  Talk to me - pray;  and listen to me read my scriptures. But this time it was different that wasn't the answer because I have been doing that,  instead He answered, "Experience me."

"Experience me."

Seclusion

Sometimes I just feel like I would rather be alone. I mean just alone.  In a Deafening sea of silence.  No noise of words nor disturbance of thoughts.  But just the quiet.  No interaction.  A peaceful nothingness.

I know there is no peace without God and that is not what I am getting at.  I don't want to sort through thoughts.  I don't want to have to work on issues.  I don't want to read a book or review material.

There are many good things in life but good things cause stress just as well.  Having fun can be wearing.  Wedding, spring break, wedding. I just am gonna sit and do nothing.

CYA

An unturned leaf

I find myself trying to quote things from Philippians 1 often.  Perhaps it is because this book was written for exhortation.  The letter was such a source of hope.  I know 1:6,19 both are words of hope for the finishing work of God.  That things shall end and we shall persevere by God's hand.  Perhaps I have been quoting this book because I have been needing hope, inspiration, and strength.  I think I may have to actually study this book. 

Thank you God for words of strength and hope.

To whom it may concern

So I am on day what 17 of not smoking.  So thank you for all your prayers and support.  Shall we praise God for his faithfulness and his strength.  Well we should and we shall.  I actually even feel happier, better, fuller.  If this is what it feels like to not smoke then I desire to continue on this path.

Congrats to Brandon and Jeanette I could have called that from about a year ago before you all even started dating.  I am so happy for you two

 So there is something in the water I believe.  Everyone is getting married or engaged, or else there already having kids.  Maybe it's in the air?  I don't know.  I don't know if I got my immunization shot.

Well since my last prayer request has gone well so far I think I'll ask another of all those who find spare time: Passion for ministry.  That I would put forth a joyful heart in the opportunities I have recieved and will recieve.

Thank you

Derek

P.S.  I am almost positive that I am going to continue my education and get a Doctorate,  I want to be able to teach at a level that Leuze and Lowe teach at and I feel that a Doctorate is the only way i would be able to do so. But I think I'll have to request God's input and providence in this area.